After divorcing his second wife, Robert tried desperately, just like many of his peers at the time, to find meaning in life. From when it all started to his 49th anniversary, he realized that what he experienced along the ride was nothing more that misadventures, failures and bittersweet endings. At some point, he tried to write a memoir, which was left at what he called an 'early stage', synonym to four pages of rambling.
For a long time, Robert didn't crave death, instead he felt it, deeply. He was dead since the end of his first marriage, he thought. He didn't particularly resent his first wife Caroline, in fact part of him still loved her, but he felt contempt towards himself at the time. Over and over, he blamed this emotional blindness that led him to live a life that he defined as 'empty'. A hole in his heart that no marriage, no boat trip, no high income could fill. A black hole that consumed him from the inside, turning all his achievements into a set of vaguely enjoyable memories.
At some point, as he was soon going to start his fifty-first year of life, he made a decision. The decision to seek a new life. Not a better life, but a different life. He wanted to be a different person, live different events. In its first occurence, this thought didn't bring Robert anywhere close to a different life, in fact it just made him consider the cost of doing so, because while he liked to think that he held no emotionally link to material possessions or people around him, his few comforting memories begged to differ.
From an external point of view, Robert had everything. Far enough money to retire early, that he got from a company he came to own thanks to his hard work ; a loving wife, despite no children ; and a ton of people around him to bring support. For the longest time he thought that by attaining what society said was right, he could not be wrong. So he went on with his seemingly perfect life that many would have killed for.
With so many people around him, there was something that followed Robert no matter what direction he took : funerals. Every instance was a depressing scene, but he could never avert his gaze from the manifestation of death that took place in front of him. Regularly, he stepped up to arrange the event, feeling some sort of responsibility. As life went on, he buried some of his family, business associates, past acquaintances… and enventually, his best friend.
Every time was different. Different people, different speeches, different locations. But there was something that never changed. Robert never felt sadness. He simply, through silent contemplation, re-discovered death a little deeper every time. As if he was drawn to it. To his friends, he said that he didn't cry because of shock. To his family, he said it was because of medication. Whatever that was, he had to make excuses, because death slowly became a sort of hobby, and he didn't want them to know.
As his interest towards this subject grew, his curiosity also bloomed. Soon enough, he kept himself busy studying the subject. He went across a lot of topics, like grieving, coping, notable occurences of death, suicides, murders, death cults, and also the representation of death in different civilizations.
His second wife, Elizabeth, wasn't too keen on letting him drown in his books, judging his new hobby too depressing and destructive. Numerous times, she tried to reason him to pick a new hobby to keep him busy, like golf or travelling, but Robert wasn't having it. The last discussion around this subject was what could be defined as 'the final straw', though Robert would argue that their marriage was long over, at least on his side.
With not even a bit of regret, or at least for one side of the deal, this is how Robert's second marriage ended. This time, a lot of his friends and family disproved his actions, calling Elizabeth 'the best thing that could happen to him', an opinion they started to voice way before the incident. This was the gateway to a lot of unpleasant arguments between Robert and the people close to him, focusing each on subjects he tried to avoid constantly, mostly the absence of children. One by one, he lost the people around him, and he started to see how many of them didn't agree with his life choices. Eventually, he started to realize that there was only one person who agreed with him all along. This thought brought him sadness, something that he hadn't felt for a long time.
The news spread way faster than he imagined. No matter how much they tried to hide it, people were disappointed in Robert. They could not imagine how a man who had everything would decide to throw it all away. This sentiment was mostly shared by people who knew his wife mainly because Elizabeth was, truth to be told, a beautiful and amazing woman, and nobody understood the reason Robert decided to part with her.
After his first marriage ended with Caroline, Robert met his soon-to-be second wife at a fundraising event conducted by his business consulting agency, the company that he had owned for over half a year. Elizabeth had always been a charming and remarkable woman, almost fifteen years younger than him, and things went smoothly between them from the start. If only for a moment, Robert thought he could fix his crumbling life with her. He never fully believed it, but he believed it enough to get married with her about a year from then.
Being with Elizabeth brought him more jealousy coming from his peers than happiness originating from his relationship. Wherever he went, complimenting Robert was done mostly by complimenting his wife. He didn't like when people qualified his life through his business success, so he enjoyed this new trend even less. What he thought was filling the hole inside him, instead began to become deeper and wider.
And that is how Robert became the man he was after parting with his second wife. For about two weeks, he didn't even show up at his company anymore. People didn't resent him for that, first of all because the company was doing well already, but also because they figured his recent divorce would be heavy on him. What they didn't know, however, is that the opposite reaction happened. Instead of sadness, Robert felt a powerful drive to find what would really bring him fulfillment.
At this moment, he remembered what really kept him busy these recent days. He didn't qualify it as such, but what he went back to immediately was the study of death. What others called morbid fascination, he called simple curiosity. He was lying to himself of course, but at the same time he was right, in the sense that it really emerged from simple curiosity, before it became a time consuming hobby.
At some point, Robert went to visit an old friend from his school years, Steven, who became an anthropologist. Previously, they never talked about that subject, but this time Robert came with genuine interest. Though they hadn't been in contact for a long time, Steven immediately saw through Robert's unconvinced small talk and asked what was the real purpose of the visit. Soon enough, this reunion between long time friends became an entire afternoon and evening of fulfilling discussion about all kinds of subjects related to the human culture of death.
Surprisingly, the first person who became tired of this discussion was Steven, who tried to bring back small talk. "Do you know what happened to Alan ? I think he wanted to teach Literature when he was in university." he asked. Robert replied almost mechanically : "He died of lung cancer two years ago. I was at his funeral." To Robert, this answer was nothing out of the ordinary, but Steven felt a gloomy mood settle, much more than he imagined initially, as he was unaware of what became of their mutual friend.
"What do you think about funerals ?" asked Robert, continuing where he left off. This also came as a surprise to Steven, who expected him to change the subject. "Oh, I don't like them." he answered. "It brings me down for a week afterwards. And I don't even want to picture to the funeral of one of my kids." Steven almost felt forced to enjoy that discussion, but it brought him much discomfort. Robert was almost unfazed, in comparison. "I suppose. I got desensitized long ago."
Steven thought this was the end of this conversation, so he took a sip of his wine and finally started to relax. But for Robert, this was the time to bring out the real subject. "What do you think about graveyards ?". Steven didn't spit his wine, but he couldn't stop a cough. "What do you mean by that ?" he asked, very confused. Robert then announced the real issue he wanted to discuss with Steven. "I think I like graveyards. It makes me at peace, somehow. I'd like to spend some time in them." "Well, you could become a gravekeeper, then" Steven replied jokingly. But instead of laughing, Robert looked straight in Steven's eyes, as he seemed to realize something. "Yeah... I could do that."
The exchange between both friends suddenly became very serious, and both started to share a real discussion instead of just vaguely relating to each other in some ways. Steven knew some people in this area, but he thought he could point Robert in the direction of the town council. Robert didn't like this idea. He wanted to share part of his life with the graveyard, as if it was his home. The discussion continued for about a week, with Robert showing interest of the Saint Lucian Cemetery, who was mostly owned by the city but was taken care of by a private organization. Eventually, both friends' connections brought them to find the current keeper of the place.
Robert insisted of meeting this person, privately. He expected to meet a man older than him, but instead was the complete opposite : a lady in her late thirties, named Audrey. To her, the graveyard meant nothing, it was simply her job. In fact, she didn't like the idea of the cemetery, and was constantly creeped out by it, would it be the idea of being around dead people, or the depressing sadness of the visitors. When Robert made an offer to take her job, she could not believe it, and she believed it even less when he said he would be paying her salary, if she let him take care of the place in her stead. After hearing that offer, Audrey didn't even bother to question Robert's motives and signed the contract he prepared for her.
Three months later. Robert's 50th anniversary is coming up in about a week. But he doesn't care about it. However, he figures other people care about it, and are actually concerned about him, considering he dropped off the face of the Earth. No one, except Steven and Audrey, knew his whereabouts, and of course, that was part of his plan.
His neighbourhood was very friendly. Though he used the fake name Vincent as his identity, most people called him 'The Gravekeeper'. Unexpectedly, he became good friends with Audrey, who came to check in regularly to see if he was not doing a poor job in her name. Quite the opposite, actually. He took care of the place very well, you could even think he was a professionnal. Robert didn't pride himself on that too much, but he was satisfied.
In the neighbourhood, 'The Gravekeeper' was far from being a bad person. Thanks to the fascinating character made by Robert, even children would come visit the Saint Lucian Cemetery where he was living in a medium sized shed, partially transformed into a small house. The children would come to hear about The Gravekeeper's stories. During those visits, he would guide them through the graves, telling the - sometimes - amazing tales of the people who resided under them. He could go on for hours solely on how the graves were arranged and presented, examining details like shapes, mementos and other offerings.
Robert didn't tell anyone his birthday was coming up in a week, but he appreciated the feelings that came from his neighbors, in the small rural area where he lived. He didn't look for recognition, but instead continued to live his seemingly monotone life of taking care of the graveyard. It was actually fairly difficult for the neighbors to determine if Robert was happy. Nothing special happened in Robert's life this day, and not during the week that came.
On his 50th anniversary, Robert was alone for the first time. The life he was leading would have surprised many, from acquaintances to any past version of himself, as he was mostly referred nowadays as 'The Gravekeeper'. But he kept all that to himself, all along. As the night started to settle, bringing a pleasant coolness to this month of June, Robert looked at the stars for what seemed like an eternity. He went inside his house, then came back outside with a small box he had been keeping near his bed. He took the box with him and went to sit between two graves, then resumed looking at the stars. A cool wind went by him, making him tighten his clothes a bit.
Looking at his clothes, this was the first time he realized how far away he was from his previous life, as he spent most of the past 20 years in a suit. He reflected back on all his actions and choices that brought him here, for his birthday, sitting in a graveyard with no one bothering him, his mind at complete peace.
Robert looked at the box. It wasn't ancient by any means, but old enough to look noticeably unopened for a long time. He had to force it a little, but it opened. Inside the box was a gun. After a deep sigh, he took it, loaded it, and pointed it under his chin. After closing his eyes for a bit, he re-opened them, and turned his head to his left, and read what was written on the grave.
Caroline Jamieson
1966 - 2005
Rest in Peace
It was far from the first time he had read that gravestone, but immediately, he felt two emotions that were gone from him for a long time. He let out a tear come out of his left eye and smiled, just before pulling the trigger.
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